$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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