My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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