even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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