I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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