Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
