my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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