she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
