UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
