I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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