so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
