she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
