just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
