I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
