you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
