I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
