her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
...so i touched it.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
