You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
