Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
