which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
