just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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