Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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