stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
