you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
