If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
