how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
