Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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