Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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