She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
