i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
