my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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