I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
