there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
