Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I want to make a zoo with you.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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