dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
