ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
