id be glad to
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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