what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
