Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
