Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
