I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
