i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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