Buhtt sex?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Dicks are not precious.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
