Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
