What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
