I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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