I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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