Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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