You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
