don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
