Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
