I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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