Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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