my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
