I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
