Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
